In this episode of Senior Living LIVE!, we’re joined by our Director of Dementia Training, Susan Robbins as she shares the telltale signs and symptoms of dementia to look out for, versus the symptoms that pose no worry or concern.
Susan helps viewers explore behaviors that are completely a normal part of the aging process, such as forgetting someone’s name or the title of the book you read, versus more dangerous behaviors that may signal the need for medical intervention, including speaking with no filter in a normal setting like a grocery store, having an increasingly short fuse, or even leaving the stove on for an extended period of time. Learn more about signs to recognize, as well as where to turn to get help early, in the full episode.
Video Transcript
Hi, everyone, and welcome to an episode of Senior Living LIVE. I am so excited. We're here at The Arbor at Delray in Delray Beach, Florida, and we are joined today by Susan Robbins who is our director of dementia training for The Arbor Company. Thank you so much for sitting down with me.
Well, I'm really excited to be here today, and it is a beautiful community.
Oh my goodness. Gorgeous.
So, but all the arbors are.
Of course.
They're just full of love and stuff. I'm excited to talk about dementia because it's such an overwhelming responsibility for family members, and it's hard to get those questions answered.
Absolutely.
And answered with solutions.
And you do such a great job of explaining everything. I love listening to you talk about all of this and making it easier for everyone to understand because people do have so many questions. Today, we are gonna be talking about a big thing that worries people is what you're experiencing normal aging or is it dementia? So to get started, can you kinda describe what, you know, is normal when it comes to aging and memory loss?
I sure can because it does concern people. And especially if you've already had somebody in your family that's been living with dementia, it's kinda scary. So it is normal to forget people's names. It's also normal to have the struggle to come up with the answer to something, like you're telling somebody a story about a book you read, but you can't remember the title of it. And at three o'clock in the morning, you wake up and you remember the title of the book. But not only do you remember the title of the book, but you also remember the conversation and who it was you were gonna tell that to. That's normal aging. That happens to everybody, even without aging sometimes. Yes. But as you get older, it's scary. But the difference is I might wake up in the middle of the night, and I might recall the name of that book, but I don't know why. So I get up and I start looking for it because I can't put things back in context or sequence things.
And so is that a good example of, you know, when to, let us, give us an idea of, you know, when it's important to start looking for help or maybe go talk to someone about what we're experiencing.
Well, one of the things, people look at it as memory loss. Memory loss is not always the first thing that goes. It's actually your frontal temporal lobe, which is your judgment and reasoning. So those early signs that something's going wrong, if you notice somebody doesn't make good decisions anymore or I start doing things or my personality and my filter goes is the big one. All of a sudden, somebody that's always been really kind will all of a sudden start saying things that are very inappropriate. Like, let's say we're in the grocery store and somebody overweight has a bunch of chips and sodas in their basket and they might go, you shouldn't be eating that. You're already fat. Now those are things that we might think, all of us, but you would never say. But people living with dementia, if they think it, they're gonna say it. And that's that first sign. And if you can catch it, dementia, there, then you've got a better chance of getting somebody to go in for help. Mhmm. Because it's uncomfortable to feel that way.
Absolutely.
And, you know, let's say a loved one is starting to notice those things. What steps should they take to try to help?
Well, first of all, confronting somebody, they're gonna get defensive. And if I don't have judgment and reasoning, when you try to logically explain why I need to go to the doctor because I've got memory loss, your response that you get from your loved one is not gonna be very nice because I don't have, I don't have control of my impulse and I think you're wrong. And this is where sometimes it actually creates paranoia. You know, are you trying to get my money? You're just trying to get my house. And it creates fears, which creates even more problems. So going to the doctor just for a regular doctor's visit and then proceed from there. And you wanna find a geriatric neurologist.
Yes. And so, you know, that first step getting them into, you know, a physical. We all need physicals. That's a pretty easy way. Is there anything that a loved one, you know, should be keeping an eye out for maybe to help talk with the physician about those concerns?
Well, one of the things is allow the person living with dementia that you've taken to the doctor actually talk to the doctor because what happens is our instinct is to protect our loved ones. So we answer the questions and it hinders the doctor being able to understand what happened and what's going on with that person because you're answering for them.
That is fantastic advice.
So now it it could be very helpful to let the doctor know ahead of time the things you have seen. So that they know why you're really there, not just for a regular checkup.
Right. Of course.
And then they can go look that way. But filling in the question, excuse me, filling in the answers for someone does not help the doctor get a good observation of that person.
You're right. You know, we wanna protect or we wanna be able to help. You would do the same thing for any loved one. Yeah. Yeah. That's fantastic advice. Can you give any advice on, you know, you're starting to notice these things. Is there anything that people should start to try or maybe consider as you might be noticing that filter going or, not being able to connect the dots in terms of any lifestyle changes or anything like that?
I think one of the biggest things is how we talk to people. Because when we start to see people age and have early signs of dementia, we start questioning them. You know, simple things, did you take a shower? I mean, how offensive is that? I mean, really, if you and I are sitting here talking and I said, Mary Cate, did you have a shower before you came today?
Right. And and even now, it's like, oh, what? Yes. Why are you asking me that?
No. I was running late. I didn't. Do you know? Do I smell? You know? So you cause them to become defensive. And so instead having conversations, instead of asking questions and if you do ask a question and you don't get the answer that you want, accept the answer anyway because people with dementia are not good historians. Like, what did you eat for breakfast? Well, you know, you do my grocery shopping and you know there's no eggs in the house, but I'm telling you I had eggs. But if you question me, then you've created anxiety, and you don't. You're not gonna know anyway, because I can't really tell you.
Right. No. That is that's fantastic. This has all been so helpful. You always have the best, you you make it so easy to understand. To kind of wrap things up, is there any, you know, last advice or tips for loved ones who are starting to notice, maybe some not so normal aging?
I think be my friend, not my boss, and love me where I am, and allow me to make mistakes, and don't correct everything I do. I am doing the very best I can. And one very, very important thing, people living with dementia are socially and physically shunned and people stop touching you. And the one thing that all humans need is physical touch. That hug means more to that person living with dementia than it does to anybody else. So remember to hug me and give me bear hugs. I won't break and I'll feel much better.
Oh, that was beautiful. That's great advice for our loved ones and for everyone, really. Well, Susan, thank you so much. I know it is a very busy week, so thank you for sitting down to talk with us.
My pleasure.
Absolutely.
Alright, everyone. Thank you so much for watching this episode. If you wanna learn more about these topics or see other senior living resources, you can see more episodes like this one at SeniorLivingLive.com. Bye, everybody.
